I wrote a post around Valentine's Day about the do's, dont's and dangers of gift-giving where women are concerned. I made a point to stress about how much it is "the thought that counts". Here was the pertinent passage:
"One way or another, the key with gift giving for women is the effort and thought put into it. We all pay attention to the details about our men and want our men to do the same for us. I almost never ask for something specific for any gift giving holiday. I don't expect my man to have to either. You should know each other well enough to know what the other person enjoys doing and be able to give them something that is centered around that. It's about paying attention enough. Hence the reason no thought (or last minute thought, unless you are great at thinking on your feet) = bad gift = women thinking their men don't get them at all. And if you haven't been in your current relationship that long, You maybe do want to stick to the flowers and candy...but for god's sake please no 4ft teddy bears. Where exactly do you expect us to store that thing?"
Now I want my girlfriends who I know read this to let their boyfriends, husbands, fiance's, partners also read this because it will help him. And here's why I say this: sometimes we find ourselves trying to tell our significant others that we want or need something (physically, emotionally, mentally, or materially) and just can't seem to get them to understand what we are trying to say. They don't understand because women, by nature, think emotionally and try to be sensitive to the reaction we THINK we will receive when broaching a subject with our mate that we view as important. Men, they tend to see things in a direct logical line. So if you bring up what you want or need to him with no context involved (because we all go over it in our heads for quite some time before we actually say it out loud), he will immediately wonder what the hell you are talking about and why you're bringing it up at right that moment. Sometimes men need someone else other than us to tell them how it is in order for them to understand. This is me being your independent confirmation.
Of course, Valentine's has come and gone (although, yes guys, it WILL be back), but there are many other gift giving holidays during the year that these same rules apply. Quite a few females I know have recently been through and discussed with me an anniversary, birthday, or mother's day scenario where they have found themselves disappointed and feeling like their significant other doesn't care: the key to this is that it isn't only the THOUGHT that counts it's the FORE thought.
"...It's about paying attention enough. Hence the reason no thought (or last minute thought, unless you are great at thinking on your feet) = bad gift = women thinking their men don't get them at all. And if you haven't been in your current relationship that long, You maybe do want to stick to the flowers and candy..."
Translation (broken down into a few logical rules to the men that I only hope read this and take it as truth):
RULE #1: NEVER FORGET AN IMPORTANT DATE
Just about every holiday that a woman would expect a gift of some sort falls on the same day each year (the only exception is Mother's Day, I believe, but it's at roughly the same time each year). This means you should know when it is coming. Women expect men to pay enough attention to know when these days are because if we are with you that means we believe you to be intelligent and capable enough of being able to set reminders in the age of smart phones. Go to whatever lengths you have to to remember her birthday, your anniversary, mother's day and valentine's day. (No one ever forgets Christmas. If you do, you need a lot more help than this blog could ever HOPE to provide.) I'm sure there are at least a few men in your life who also have significant others that can help remind you as well. Point is, forgetting is almost never an excuse.
RULE #2: SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT
Most men know when it's time to say the words, "I'm sorry" or "I love you". When it comes to important days of the year, if you wake up next to your woman, THIS is when to say "Happy Birthday", "Happy Anniversary", "Happy Mother's Day", or "Happy Valentine's Day". It's best if you are the first person to tell her these things, but even if you're not, what is most important is that the entire day doesn't go by without you saying it at some point. I know it seems trivial, but it works like "I'm Sorry". The reason is because it is an indication of recognition. It is like saying, "hey. I haven't forgotten what today is."
RULE #3: TIMING IS EVERYTHING
Forethought means you thought about it BEFORE-hand. Of course, like I said, unless you're great at thinking on your feet. Just like it means so much for you to show indication of recognition, it means even more for you to have put forth an effort. If it is a holiday that usually requires a gift, when the gift is given is important, and the day of is when is the best bet. If for some reason, you will not see each other on the day of, then another day is of course acceptable. However, when having to celebrate the occasion on a different day, communication is key. If you don't talk about your gift-giving/celebration taking place on a day that is AFTER the specific holiday PRIOR to the actual day taking place, she will automatically assume you forgot. Now if you are an online shopper, sometimes you cannot help delays in shipping of gift items. Here is a great go-to solution: print out a picture of the gift and give it to her with either flowers or a heartfelt card. This shows you thought about her and didn't forget.
RULE #4: EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES
Sometimes we get so busy with the day-to-day that we do just honestly forget about days that we should pay more attention to. Or we know it's coming and then it just sneaks up on us faster than we could get time to plan something nice. It happens. Everyone is human. However, you have a couple of recovery options available depending on when it hits you that you forgot. If you happen to remember on the day of, find the nearest drug store or supermarket, buy the best card you can find, pick out the best looking flowers available, and then pretend like nothing happened and take her out on a date on the soonest available date. If it is at the point at which it is obvious you goofed, he only thing you need to know is that you MUST MAKE IT UP TO HER. You also must admit and apologize for forgetting no questions asked. And do it as quickly as possible. If you don't, all she will do is think about it and it will subconsciously sit in her brain that it doesn't matter to you. She may act like it's no big deal, but I promise it is. Just like women like getting flowers at work on valentines day so that they can show you off, they hate being asked "what did our man give you for (insert holiday here)", and having no answer to give...embarrassing. So you forget, you tell her you're sorry and that you didn't forget about her and that you will make it up to her on (insert specific date and time). Because let's face it, when the reciprocal holiday rolls around and she DOESN'T forget and does something special for YOU, you're going to feel like shit about the fact that you did forget. (of course that's assuming you do actually give a shit).
Now...With all that said...Of course not all men need directions on keeping their women romanced. If you are a man who read this and thought, "well duh" and you've never had any of these issues come up with your significant other, then SHARE THE INFO. You have an obligation to your male friends and it is your duty as a man to share what you know about how women think. Us women give men a hard enough time as it is, they don't also need it from their own friends. It's like that unwritten man code that one guy doesn't kick another guy in the balls.
