Pardon the controversy

This will probably spark some debate, but I don't care. I love a healthy debate, so go for it. 

I have to lay it on the line here though...What is it with this anti-vaccine movement? What is wrong with people? What in God's name is wrong with people that they think it is somehow better for their child to not vaccinate them?!? I mean, seriously. Connection to Autism? Bullshit. Look up the science. 

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/Concerns/Autism/Index.html

Now I also researched some of the other "logic" behind the argument for being anti-vaccine and it just can't be backed up scientifically. It seems to me to be some sort of overgrown media blowout presented with a twisted process of association and built on nothing but a case of circumstantial evidence. The bear is big and brown and hairy and therefore if you are big and brown and hairy, you must be a bear. I realize how elementary that metaphor sounds, but you get what I mean. A media scare can have crazy effects on what people believe and how people think. It's truly amazing what one can do with the power of suggestion; and even more amazing how quickly people with throw common sense out of the window at the first hint of being able to "stick it to the man". Someone, somewhere, HAS to have considered that the level of autism awareness has increased and thusly the number of diagnoses. Here is what the Autism Science Foundation has to say:

http://autismsciencefoundation.org/autismandvaccines.html

I was watching an episode of "Pregnant in Heels" (don't judge me), and there was a woman on there talking about how she would not be vaccinating her child. When asked why, she indignantly made the following statement (paraphrased), "Why would my child need a Polio vaccine? When is the last time you heard of someone getting Polio? No one gets Polio anymore!" 

BECAUSE IT'S VACCINATED FOR YOU IDIOT!!  

Uggggghhhh.....*sigh*....in the words of my mother...some people's children! 

I don't understand how people can be so illogical. 

At the heart of the argument seems to be the MMR vaccine which is for Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. Now I have no idea what Rubella is (which I thank God for), but I had the mumps when I was a kid and it is AWFUL. As for Measles, this can kill children before the parent even realizes the child has the disease. So if you don't vaccinate your child and then put them in the same daycare with MY child and it's prior to the time they are old enough to even get the vaccine, you could, in fact, kill my child with your stupid decision. Sorry, but your freedom stops at the point at which it endangers the life of other free citizens. If you want to choose to not vaccinate your child, then you better make sure they live in a bubble. Chances are, YOU were given the vaccine you are choosing to not give them and you most likely DON'T have autism. 

I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on the wing-nuts that are choosing to not vaccinate. I, too, have my own views about the perversion of the relationship between health care providers and pharmaceutical companies. I do not like taking prescription medication of any kind really.  However, most of the routine vaccines are as tested and proven as antibiotics. It's not like the medications that are advertised in magazines everywhere or on TV every other commercial. (But I'll save my pharmaceutical rant for another time.)

I guess my point is that there is nothing wrong with questioning "the man" in whatever capacity you see "the man" to be; but don't be ridiculous about it. Use your head and make decisions that are well informed and well researched. Be educated when you make decisions, especially when those decisions so clearly affect the health, safety and well being of your friends, family and those you come in contact with. Just because Dr. Oz says Almond Milk is some new holistic-cure-all-weight-loss miracle, doesn't mean you rush right out asking your local barista to suddenly start putting that in your latte instead of whole or skim milk. But who am I kidding?  If you watch Dr. Oz and you're the kind of person that asks for almond milk (or even thinks almond milk is MILK...because it is NOT) then you're probably not even reading this blog anyway. 

Having a hard time

Among the many choices you have to make when you get pregnant, the biggest one is "to stay at home or not stay at home". When I made the choice to quit my last job and sort of make a switch in career paths, I did so because it was financially feasible at the time and because the stress at work had become more than my rampant running pregnancy emotions could deal with. Thus a new predicament has arisen.

I have cried possibly more since becoming pregnant than I have ever before. The smallest things (even some commercials) have great tear-jerking potential. I have long heard stories of women who cry at commercials or become depressed during or after pregnancy. I never really understood it until now. It's just something that is inevitable it seems. If someone else cries, I'm going to, guaranteed...even if they are on TV or a movie. Once it starts, it becomes a crack in the dam, a force so unpredictable as to its next movement but still bound to cause flood or damage. Apparently, though, these things are completely expected during this stage of pregnancy.

The issue with this, is the stay at home part; because what this means is that you are typically alone when it happens. It takes one word, one thing going wrong, one small thing out of place, and the waterworks start. Being at home alone with no one to get you out of your own head is just recipe for disaster depression. One thought leads to another and you're just suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that you're going through it alone and no one has time to be there for you but you. It's like the sensible part of your brain just completely shuts down and all you are left with are these completely raw emotions that you just can't get away from. You're just alone and left to deal with it.

When you are the person who stays at home, that typically means you were lucky enough to have a partner that gave you the option and is working making enough money to cover it. But there are factors, I have learned, that affect the core of your sanity and eventually the core of your relationship with each other that are not typically at first considered when making this decision.

I never considered how lonely I would feel at home all the time. I felt like I would enjoy the freedom, and I did at first. It didn't matter when he was working or not working because I would always be off and we could spend time together then. I didn't consider how tired he would be when he got home and how much that would make me feel like a burden and a nag when I wanted to use his time off as time for us to spend together doing stuff. I never considered how he would feel obligated to save up all his time, money, and resources for when the baby arrived. He is trying so hard to do the right thing and work as much as he can now so that he can have time off when the baby arrives. I mean, that IS the logical thing to do. It's just so hard to spend all day away from him each day and only see him as he exhaustively eats dinner across from me. It puts a strain on my emotions even more because I DO understand how tired he is because I KNOW what he's been doing at work all day, and I don't want to bother him by telling him I miss him and what our relationship was like before I got pregnant.

We were together all the time it seemed, even when we weren't. He'd text me just whenever he was thinking about me. We worked down the street from each other so I could expect to see him pass by everyday around the same time on his way to the bank. We would meet up on Sundays at a certain restaurant every week. We would catch a happy hour beer together. It was like we had a routine that I could count on that has been completely disrupted by the outside force that has led to so much happiness for both of us. We have this beautiful house that is slowly becoming a home. I have a starter garden in the backyard. We bought furniture and other stuff together.  It's like that same wonderful force has also led to so much stress and fear and uncertainty hidden beneath the happiness.

Of all the things I have found out on my own that no one told me was involved in having a child, the emotional strain it would have on our relationship is the thing I wish most that I could have prepared for.

I want to have more meaningful conversations. I want to plan the baby's nursery together. I want to create our baby website together. I want to go register for baby stuff together. I want to still hold each other on the sofa a we watch TV at night, even if we both fall asleep. I want him to research and ask me questions about the baby and baby stuff often. I want to budget our finances together. I want to work on the nursery together. I want to hang pictures around our house together. I want to know that he refers to me and the baby as his "family". I want to have pictures taken of us together with my big pregnant belly. I want to not be a burden or obligation. I want to talk about what we are scared of and overcome the fears together. I want to be there for him when he is sad as much as he is there for me. I want to celebrate together. I want him to know all these things without me having to tell him. I want him to know all of this and not feel guilty. He has been so much more supportive than I could ever have expected or imagined and I am grateful for everything he does.

So I decided I need to start working again, mostly as a distraction. It will keep me busy, earn money, and hopefully keep me more sane and out of his hair. Hopefully it helps.