The Mommy Battle

After finding out shortly after Valentine's day that I had a surprise "bundle of joy" on the way, I found myself a little distracted from blogging. There was so much to think about and so much to decide about all of a sudden. Who gets to know right now? When do I tell work? How do we tell our respective families? Am I going to have to quit my job? How am I going to afford my bills? How long should maternity leave be? How is the daddy going to handle it? It was a shock and a surprise, but thankfully, not a devastation.

I've always wanted to be a mom. In fact, when I was a kid, I dreamed of being this fabulous stay at home mom who chauffeured the kids (no more than 3 maybe 4) around to different events, who made dinner every night and ate with the family at an actual kitchen table, who had a hobby that was turned into a business (or maybe even a family business)....Supermom. That's what I wanted to be. Of course, when I was a kid, I started much earlier than 30 on said task. I know that for most people that sounds incredibly young, but in my family, starting at 30 makes me the equivalent of 103 (and that is a quote from a family member). However, I believe fate couldn't have picked a better time in my life for this little surprise. I am so much more responsible, experienced, and knowledgeable than I was at my pre-planned starting age of 25. Amazing how 5 years can really make such a difference, but it's so true. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there is something terribly inconceivable(pardon the pun) about starting earlier, I know and love many who have, but I'm just glad I didn't.

Seems I've built a life in a city I had never even planned on moving to or staying in after college; and so many personal and professional relationships in the past few years at my job. Still I have to make a decision on what to do now. The demands of this job are FAR too exhausting for a woman expecting. Sometimes it's exhausting just being a woman in this job, let a lone a pregnant one. Still this is something that has become second nature to me: a perfect blend of my retail and theater backgrounds. It's a job that is hard to "call in sick" to and occasionally hard to vacation from. I'm so passionate about it sometimes that I can't pull myself away from it. I bring my work computer home and check and answer email, texts, and phone calls constantly. For the past few years, I have thrived on and lived off of the stress of the job. It kept me going. Now, I am too stressed, out of breath, achy, and exhausted (both mentally and physically) to even function some days. I'm sure alot of those are just common symptoms of pregnancy, but most women work until right before they have the baby. So now what? Do I finally give up the ball? Does it have to be permanent?

I'm sure some of my friends will be shocked and maybe even completely flabbergasted at my June Cleaver dream. I am, by no means, planning on being the stepford wife with heels on and perfect hair carrying a tray of brownies to the bake sale...rest assured. I do want to do some kind of work that isn't just housework and child raising. Maybe I'll go back to photography and get better at it. Maybe I'll get some part time job doing something a couple days a week. Hopefully I'll still be able to be involved with theater in some way. I just need to de-stress my life as much as possible and focus on all the new things that are happening. I want to be able to do all the things I've always wanted to and volunteer with organizations that mean something to me without having to worry about the politics of my job and who I might offend by it. I want to stay involved with alot of the activities and people I do now, but in a different way. I want to be able to turn off my cell phone or leave it at home and it not be a big deal. I want to explore Rosie the mom and not have to just be this marketable face of my job.  There are just so many more pros to me moving on from this job than there are cons.

I'm not really giving up the ball. I'm just putting this one down and picking up a new one. And I'm looking forward to it.

To V-Day or not to V-Day

Disclaimer: Realize that I know that I have one or more exes that read this, as well as the current man in my life, so please note that the forthcoming statements are neither a reflection upon them, nor are they some twisted hint with the impending doom of V-Day.


I struggle every year with whether or not Valentine's Day is particularly important to me, whether I'm in a relationship or not. It always seems as though there is this unneeded pressure that is added to be the perfect date for someone on that day, even if it's just a night with your girlfriends. In fact, probably more so if it's a night with your girlfriends because they are going to be overwhelmed by the label of "Singles Awareness Day".  Why is Valentine's Day so important to women? (It may be important to some guys to, I've just never experienced that particular phenomena). And why is getting what seems to have to be the perfect gift so important?

Here is what I have figured out after talking to so many women about Valentine's Day plans gone awry, tacky and/or thoughtless gifts they've received, countless missed opportunities by their boyfriends, and of course the dreaded  "he didn't make any plans or buy me even a card".

After having many a Valentine's Day end in tears for me while in a seemingly stable relationship, I can sympathize with their plight of feeling like their men just don't get them. How many men have heard their girlfriend say, "It's the thought that counts?" I said it so many times I can't even count. I plan events for a living that are typically pretty high-end events, so the poor sap that has to plan something special for me, know has a task on his hands already; which is why I really am very grateful for the "thought" that IS put into something that is done for me. However, while subtlety has never been my strong suit, I pride myself on not being a demanding girlfriend; but I actually came right out with one boyfriend and told him that there are 3 days a year that he is expected to make the plans and just tell me what we are doing: My birthday, our anniversary, and Valentine's Day. I never expected a string quartet or some grand gesture of epic proportions. I never even really expected some expensive gift. Still, it always seemed that there was no planning ahead done. He was "that guy" wandering the mall for a gift and searching through cards left on the Hallmark aisle at Walgreens on what seemed to always be the day before or day of.

It's the thought that counts....

Yes. It is and this is what that translates to:. (and I'm going to pick on men for a minute but try not to get offended) You can't have that thought on the day before or day of. Guess what? Valentine's Day is on the same day every year. If you're in a relationship on February 1st, and you plan on still being in that relationship two weeks following that, that's probably the latest you want to start thinking about it. I may be speaking for myself here, although I don't THINK I am, but women don't need a huge teddy bear and a box of chocolates! We don't need you to buy us jewelry! We don't need an expensive gift! We want you to have put thought into something that is meant for us. The most generic thing you can get away with is sending her flowers, preferably some place where she can show them off, and that doesn't mean a dozen roses necessarily. Make an effort to find out what her favorite flower is and send those. Here's an insider female secret: If your girlfriend works some place and she has co-workers, and especially if she is a professional female and has a desk or works where she will be around people AT ALL that day, have them delivered to her work and I promise, you win at life. Every woman loves being able to show off when her man thought of her because all women know that if flowers got delivered to you at work, that means the man put in enough effort to order them and have them sent to the right address. Sounds silly but it's true.

Also, if you're going to give a card, picking out the right one is important. This is the ONLY part of the gift that you can ever get away with getting last minute, even though you might be left with only that music card that sings "Let's Get It On".  If you're going to make the effort enough to buy a card to go with your gift, than it should at least say something meaningful. NO, it doesn't have to be super mushy, it just has to fit the situation. You wouldn't want to give someone you've known 2 months a card that is all "I Love You with all my heart". Just make the card appropriate and fitting. When you read the card, if it makes you think of her, that's the card, same with the gift.

One way or another, the key with gift giving for women is the effort and thought put into it. We all pay attention to the details about our men and want our men to do the same for us. I almost never ask for something specific for any gift giving holiday. I don't expect my man to have to either. You should know each other well enough to know what the other person enjoys doing and be able to give them something that is centered around that. It's about paying attention enough. Hence the reason no thought (or last minute thought, unless you are great at thinking on your feet) = bad gift = women thinking their men don't get them at all. And if you haven't been in your current relationship that long, You maybe do want to stick to the flowers and candy...but for god's sake please no 4ft teddy bears. Where exactly do you expect us to store that thing?

It's just 3 little words

"Can we talk?"

Yeah. I said it. It's a phrase I am pretty sure scares your significant other more than the other 3-word phrase you probably thought I was talking about.

So your girlfriend calls and says the dreaded words, "I really need to talk to you about something." You immediately start to replay the last conversation you had in case you said something that could have been misinterpreted. You retrace every step of the last time you were together in case you did something that may have made the other person mad. What is it that is spawning this moment of "Can We Talk?" You start biting your nails thinking really hard. Your heart pounds like you've had too much coffee. You suddenly need a cigarette. (I mean, that's what happens to me when someone says it to me)

Calm down.

While there are many different types of girls (a blog for another time), a girl with any sense in her head will already know that this little phrase is going to incite panic, even if she is expecting it to be only minimal. So know that the timing at which the words are delivered has been carefully calculated. It is purposeful. Now if you're dating the malicious type, she will be heartless in her timing. For now, let's pretend that you're dating a girl who actually gives a shit about you and isn't malicious or controlling.

Let's discuss:

Typically guys need a significantly larger amount of time away from their significant other than girls do. You need to spend time with your friends farting, scratching, talking about sex and (insert group hobby here). Any guy with any sense in their head will already know that we don't particularly care to be a part of that. As females, we need to feel like you want to spend just as much time with us as you do with the guys scratching and farting, we need to feel more important than whatever your hobby is, and we want to talk about sex with you. If you are slacking on including us in on the fun or you're not giving us the proper amount of attention in comparison, we are going to want to talk to you about it. So that could be all that it is. And if this is the case, we usually just want to discuss it and move past it. It won't be a sticking point unless you at some point say something stupid that makes her think you actually don't care about her. Typically, however, this is the main reason a "can we talk" conversation will happen IF it's about your relationship.

However, more often than not, the conversation won't even have anything to do with your relationship. It will usually just have to do with the fact that she, I don't know, wants to TALK. (FYI: Texting does not equal talking). Talking means actual verbal conversation. In this day and age we have gotten far too comfortable with technology as a replacement for human interaction. Our computers and cell phones have replaced the day to day interaction crucial to relationships. Women need to be touched, caressed, whispered to, held, and paid attention to. You can't do any of those things with through text/instant messages or Skype. And although over the phone conversations are more acceptable, in-person conversations are much more appropriate to have that "can we talk" conversation. We all know one of the major differences between the sexes is that women have to typically talk about things in order to work them out and men don't. When your girl states in a text that she really needs to talk to you about something in person, DO NOT TEXT BACK ASKING WHAT IT IS ABOUT! For the love of all that is holy, either pick up the phone and call her or set a time to talk. Cardinal rule of dealing with women: if they have an issue and they TELL you they have an issue, NEVER give them more time to stew over it. Long before they brought it up to you, they stewed over the issue and whether or not they wanted to talk to you about it. If they decided to open up to you about it, and make any kind of a move in the direction that even remotely seems like you don't want to talk about it, she is going to write it off and it will be a problem. Do the adult thing and be man enough to have the discussion. It will make you seem confident and sure of yourself. It will also tell her that you care enough about her to try to make her feel better about whatever the "situation" is.

I started writing this post over a week ago. I was going to scrap it and most likely not go back to it. Then, I had my own "can we talk" moment in my relationship. Let's just say that the reaction I got to my own "can we talk" moment was well, less than stellar. It was, in fact, down right ridiculous. That one interaction (that took place over the course of 2-3 days) told me everything I needed to know about the person I was with. Good communication is one of the two keys to ANY relationship whether it be family, friends, or lovers. The other is trust. He panicked so much over this "can we talk" moment that he displayed nothing but lack of both of those keys and I had to sever ties with him because of it. These are the most important two things in a relationship (in my opinion) and they cannot be taught. They can be learned, but not taught, especially in the confines of a relationship. So with all these things considered, I felt the need to continue the writing of this post and go ahead an publish it. Hopefully it will do some good for somebody.

So feel free to comment on this or any posts on this blog as it is for public consumption and nothing is better than healthy discussions or debate.

7 Deadly Mistakes....

This is a post from an article that will get us kicked off on the blog. It is a great article. To clarify, this was not written by me. The original can be found here:

http://www.getgirlsnotgame.com/the-7-deadly-mistakes-of-approaching-a-woman-that-will-turn-her-off-instantly/

7 Deadly Mistakes of Approaching a Woman That Will Turn Her Off Instantly

Often Women Know Within the First 10 Seconds of Meeting a Man Whether They Are Going to Sleep with Him or Not…So Here Are The 7 Things Most Men Do To Immediately Disqualify Themselves—And How to Make Sure You Avoid All Of Them

7. Trying Too Hard

Have you ever seen a guy who was so obviously trying to act cool or look important, but he just ended up being the guy all the women laughed about later and made fun of? Sure you have. Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seem to hookup with the guy who “doesn’t seem to care”…but for some reason they never considered you, even though you put in way more effort.

What’s up with that? Actually it’s very simple…

Women don’t hookup with the guy who’s “putting in the most effort.” They hookup with guys they perceive to be “attractive”—which is just a convenient way to say “guys they think are cooler than they are.” And nothing says to a woman “you’re way cooler than me” than a guy who exerts a lot of effort in an interaction—especially when meeting someone for the first time.

I realize this isn’t always obvious. It may be hard to chill out and stop trying so hard…but get used to it. Until you relax and keep yourself from obviously trying to “get” her attention and attraction, you’ll never even get off the ground with attractive woman.

6. Chatting But Not Attracting

What do most guys do when they are talking with a woman they find attractive? Right! They turn into Dr. Phil and play daytime talk show host as they “interview her” and try to pick topics she likes…

Well, here’s a newsflash for you…you will NEVER SPARK ATTRACTION WITH A WOMAN BY JUST AIMLESSLY CHATTING WITH HER! Woman are stimulated by emotions and tension (a.k.a., flirting). Just think of the adventurous types of men women tend to like…bad boys, rock stars, and celebrities.

For most of us guys, women don’t immediately drool over us based on our looks or status—so how in the world do we expect to stoke her attraction by just having a boring chat? Yet we all do it. When a woman gives us her attention, we try to play it safe, ask the questions we think she’ll like, talk about stuff that’s neutral or common, and do our best to keep her talking to us. Bad idea. One that will never fan the flames of her attraction.

5. Apologize For Liking Her

Another huge and avoidable mistake that most guys make with when approach a woman is apologizing for feeling attracted to her—or even apologizing for wanting to talk to her. Attractive women intimidate most guys. And they get men bending over backwards to appease them all the time. Men jump through their hoops, do whatever it takes to keep them happy, and often go out of their way to make sure they feel “comfortable” and “not offended.”

And guess what? Attractive women wait until guy-after-guy admits SHAMEFULLY that he’s attracted to her. Sometimes the guy doesn’t come outright and say it, instead he’ll pretend he’s interested in something she likes and use that as a pretext for a date: “Let’s go see Twilight together—and I’ll pay!” Even if the guy actually has the balls to tell her directly, often he first apologizes for wanting to talk to her: “I’m sorry to bother you but…”

This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who are so intimidated by her that you feel you the need to “hide” or “apologize for” the fact you like her—all because you think that makes her feel “more comfortable” around you.

Don’t do it. Be confident in your feelings. You don’t need to come right out and proclaim exactly what you’re feeling, but definitely don’t try to cover it up—or apologize for it.

4. Taking Yourself Too Seriously

One of the most common mistakes that a guy can make is getting overly emotional before a woman even knows him… because he is taking the interaction (and himself) way too seriously… and investing all of his male ego and pride into one interaction, with one girl (who he doesn’t even know yet!). And sure, as men, it can be hard to get over our pride when approaching a woman for the first time.

But YOU MUST.

We all know women love men with a sense of humor, yet how can we be “funny” or even “interesting” if we are trying to micromanage every aspect of an interaction with an attractive woman? Instead, relax. Lighten up. Learn to laugh a little at yourself. And you’ll see this attitude will attract women to you like a magnet.

3. Making It Obvious You Rehearsed Your Approach

Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to try so hard that you make it apparent you see the woman as “cooler” than you. Well, another way men signal to a woman they feel “less cool” than her is by rehearsing their approach. Put another way, guys worry about every detail of an approach—from the opening line to how to ask for her number—and they play and replay the scene in their head. Another bad idea…

Women are never attracted to men who aren’t in control of a situation and display leadership qualities (a.k.a., confidence)…women just aren’t attracted to insecure wimps! Don’t worry that you need to rehearse every detail before approaching a woman. Just do it—and feel confident that you can handle whatever happens!

2. Not Understanding How To Tactfully Move Things Forward

Now I’m going to blow you away with a little insider dating secret… A woman is expecting you to move an interaction forward… and actually will get turned off if you fail to do so. Let me say this again: If you don’t move an interaction toward intimacy and get physical with her, women will actually LOSE their attraction to you.

I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re talking to a girl for more than a couple minutes, she’s probably already thinking, “Okay, when is going to ask for my number?” or even, “Okay, so when is he going to kiss me?” And if you don’t do it—or fail to do it smoothly—then she’ll actually “cool off” and start thinking of ways to dismiss you: “I think we’re better off just being friends…”

And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating… Confidently approaching a woman, going for the number, asking her out, kissing her, getting sexual… everything. If you hesitate or don’t know what to do in each situation, you will end up losing EVERYTHING. And you know it.

It is crucial that you understand how to tactfully move from one step to the next with a woman… from the approach, all the way to the bedroom.

1. Not Seeking Out Direction or Help

Here it is: The most deadly mistake men make that ensures they remain single and never date the girl they really want. This is the one mistake that holds men back from EVER having the kind of success with women that would leave them truly satisfied. I know, we’re guys so we hate to seem helpless—we don’t even like to ask for directions, let alone dating help.

I’d know, I was there myself at one point. A couple years ago, I moved to New York City after graduating college and felt completely frustrated that I’d pass beautiful women all day, but I didn’t have a clue how to approach them, meet them, and get dates with them. It was like slow torture!

One weekend I met up with a friend from college, and we spotted 2 women we wanted to meet, but neither of us had the balls to approach them. I can still see the movie of that night playing in my head…right then I decided I had to do whatever it took to learn how to successfully meet and date women.

Well, after lots of “field work” and trying all kinds of crazy tips and techniques, I finally mastered it. And it was definitely worth it. I no longer feel that paralyzing feeling of insecurity… like I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a girl I’m really attracted to… and I might end up single forever. I know that I can just stroll outside and meet beautiful woman anytime, anywhere.

I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve coached guys all across the United States… and taught thousands of men all across the world. If you’re serious about getting this area of your life handled and you want to discover what really works, click on the link below to learn more.

*Guest Post by Rob Judge

The beginning

*If you haven't read the tab "My logic", please read that section first so you understand what this blog is about.*


After reading a book called "The Manual" by Steve Santagati (and passing it around our group), a girlfriend and I decided we needed to write a sort of relationship supplement to that. It's pretty ambitious to think that we would ever write a book, let alone have it become nearly as popular, so to the blogger we have gone.

We all need help. Almost all girls have that one guy friend that they give advice to and guys have that lady friend they get advice from. Oh you don't you say? Well here's your opportunity to find that kind of assistance. I will try to make sure there is at least a weekly post of information, stories, and hopefully tons of things to laugh at (because some things are only funny because they are true).

Know this, we in NO WAY claim to know everything there is to know about relationships. We are just  dealing with what seems to be the same patterns in girls and guys when they are in relationships. So hopefully sharing our stories and experiences will in some way hit home for whoever reads and maybe, just maybe, someone out there is paying attention.

If you're reading, thanks for coming along for the ride with us. Hilarity is certain to follow.