Full Disclosure

*photo copyright to Alex Noriega at www.snotm.com

I said in the last blog that the two keys to any successful relationship are Trust and Good Communication. A friend pointed out to me that he thought I missed two more: Honesty and Fidelity. In a romantic relationship, yes, these two things are also very important. However, I feel as though if you have the former of the two, the latter is sure to be present. You can't have TRUE good communication without complete honesty and that breeds trust; and if you are unfaithful, there's no way you will be trusted in the confines of a romantic relationship. It all comes back to trust.

Trusting someone means different things to different people. There are levels of trust. Do I trust someone to watch my dog while I'm out of town? Do I trust someone to drive me home leaving the bar? Do I trust someone enough to drink after them? Do I trust someone enough to share my deepest secrets with them? Do I trust someone enough to think that they would jump in front of a bullet for me?

Everyone has that one friend (some have more than one) that you wouldn't trust with anything. That doesn't mean you don't love them, you just don't trust them...they're not reliable. Reliability goes along with trust. But that's just one level of trust. It's the "will you do what you said you were going to do" part of it. Will you keep the plans you have and not cancel? Will you be there when you said you would be? Will you be there when I need you the most? Reliability stretches across trust in friendships AND romantic relationships.

Then there is the "can I tell you a secret and you not share it" trust. Every set of friends has its own inside jokes. You can say something that makes everyone who knows about it laugh but outsiders wouldn't have a clue what you mean or why its funny. These are good secrets to share. Then there are those moments of vulnerability, that every person has, and you usually only have the ONE friend that you can share your thoughts and feelings with knowing it will stay between the two of you. You discuss major life decisions together and keep each other accountable for keeping your word in moments of weakness. I truly believe that, in a lifetime, you get very few of these kinds of friends, and they stick with you forever. You could not see each other for days, weeks, months, years, but pick up where you left off and it wouldn't matter how long it has been. This is the friend you know that if you called at 3am, they would answer and they would come bail you out of a bad situation if you ever needed it. This is what classifies a best friend.

What I'm trying to get at is that once you get into a romantic relationship with someone, they sometimes forget the characteristics of what makes a good friend and focus only on being a "good girlfriend/boyfriend". The expectations change as well as the standards for what is acceptable. Always keep your standards high and your expectations low. Know what is acceptable for you and what is not and do not stray from it. You cannot get into a relationship and cease being a good friend to them just because you've seen them naked. Great relationships don't always start out as friendships, but they MUST be built on friendship. There has to be a level of trust that you would have with that "best friend" and then some. 

Lasting relationships have been built upon a level of honesty that you not only DON'T share with anyone else, but CAN'T share with anyone else. You have to be able to be yourself completely and wholly with that person. You have to be able to share things with them that you would not share with anyone else. You have to trust them physically, emotionally, and sexually and be able to be completely open in all three arenas. Is that going to happen in the first three months of a relationship? Doubtful. Some people move faster than others because they are more open to grow in the same direction together. But both have to be on the same page...which is where good communication comes back into play. 

If you are in a relationship and there is something about yourself that is missing, find out what it is. Get it back. While relationships are always going to be hard work to make them last, and always about compromise, they are NOT about sacrifice. Don't confuse the two. You have to compromise to make situations work. You can't compromise to make people work. Sacrificing parts of yourself (or for some people it's there whole self) to try to make a relationship work can only end in disaster.