Yeah. I said it. It's a phrase I am pretty sure scares your significant other more than the other 3-word phrase you probably thought I was talking about.
So your girlfriend calls and says the dreaded words, "I really need to talk to you about something." You immediately start to replay the last conversation you had in case you said something that could have been misinterpreted. You retrace every step of the last time you were together in case you did something that may have made the other person mad. What is it that is spawning this moment of "Can We Talk?" You start biting your nails thinking really hard. Your heart pounds like you've had too much coffee. You suddenly need a cigarette. (I mean, that's what happens to me when someone says it to me)
Calm down.
While there are many different types of girls (a blog for another time), a girl with any sense in her head will already know that this little phrase is going to incite panic, even if she is expecting it to be only minimal. So know that the timing at which the words are delivered has been carefully calculated. It is purposeful. Now if you're dating the malicious type, she will be heartless in her timing. For now, let's pretend that you're dating a girl who actually gives a shit about you and isn't malicious or controlling.
Let's discuss:
Typically guys need a significantly larger amount of time away from their significant other than girls do. You need to spend time with your friends farting, scratching, talking about sex and (insert group hobby here). Any guy with any sense in their head will already know that we don't particularly care to be a part of that. As females, we need to feel like you want to spend just as much time with us as you do with the guys scratching and farting, we need to feel more important than whatever your hobby is, and we want to talk about sex with you. If you are slacking on including us in on the fun or you're not giving us the proper amount of attention in comparison, we are going to want to talk to you about it. So that could be all that it is. And if this is the case, we usually just want to discuss it and move past it. It won't be a sticking point unless you at some point say something stupid that makes her think you actually don't care about her. Typically, however, this is the main reason a "can we talk" conversation will happen IF it's about your relationship.
However, more often than not, the conversation won't even have anything to do with your relationship. It will usually just have to do with the fact that she, I don't know, wants to TALK. (FYI: Texting does not equal talking). Talking means actual verbal conversation. In this day and age we have gotten far too comfortable with technology as a replacement for human interaction. Our computers and cell phones have replaced the day to day interaction crucial to relationships. Women need to be touched, caressed, whispered to, held, and paid attention to. You can't do any of those things with through text/instant messages or Skype. And although over the phone conversations are more acceptable, in-person conversations are much more appropriate to have that "can we talk" conversation. We all know one of the major differences between the sexes is that women have to typically talk about things in order to work them out and men don't. When your girl states in a text that she really needs to talk to you about something in person, DO NOT TEXT BACK ASKING WHAT IT IS ABOUT! For the love of all that is holy, either pick up the phone and call her or set a time to talk. Cardinal rule of dealing with women: if they have an issue and they TELL you they have an issue, NEVER give them more time to stew over it. Long before they brought it up to you, they stewed over the issue and whether or not they wanted to talk to you about it. If they decided to open up to you about it, and make any kind of a move in the direction that even remotely seems like you don't want to talk about it, she is going to write it off and it will be a problem. Do the adult thing and be man enough to have the discussion. It will make you seem confident and sure of yourself. It will also tell her that you care enough about her to try to make her feel better about whatever the "situation" is.
I started writing this post over a week ago. I was going to scrap it and most likely not go back to it. Then, I had my own "can we talk" moment in my relationship. Let's just say that the reaction I got to my own "can we talk" moment was well, less than stellar. It was, in fact, down right ridiculous. That one interaction (that took place over the course of 2-3 days) told me everything I needed to know about the person I was with. Good communication is one of the two keys to ANY relationship whether it be family, friends, or lovers. The other is trust. He panicked so much over this "can we talk" moment that he displayed nothing but lack of both of those keys and I had to sever ties with him because of it. These are the most important two things in a relationship (in my opinion) and they cannot be taught. They can be learned, but not taught, especially in the confines of a relationship. So with all these things considered, I felt the need to continue the writing of this post and go ahead an publish it. Hopefully it will do some good for somebody.
So feel free to comment on this or any posts on this blog as it is for public consumption and nothing is better than healthy discussions or debate.
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